Week Three.  NO weight lost.  Initially I felt saddened by this.  But as someone accurately told me once, "Your results are based on your effort.  If you kinda track what you eat, you'll kinda lose!"  Ain't that the truth?  I've kinda tried this week.  Kinda.  Yeah, not really ... :)

The truth?  I've been lazy.  I've been focusing on the end result: 30 pounds.  The immediate goal seems just as far away: 10 pounds (at which point I allow myself some quality walking shoes).  In reality, I'd be wiser to make daily goals.  Walk 20 minutes.  Do yoga.  Track what I eat.  Go to bed without heartburn! (Haha! Now there's a challenge!) ... All of this brings to mind spiritual habits.  What are my spiritual "goals" and how are those goals exhibited by the habits I cultivate?  They seem like the same old ones, the ones I always feel spark into a small fire, but then let fall by the wayside soon after:
* Memorize Scripture
* Spend time in prayer (not just over a meal, but on-my-face-PRAY!)
* Relinquish some gnarly scars inflicted by others to the healing of Christ's forgiveness
* Seek to relinquish my desires for anything but Christ TO Christ
Every goal, "spiritual" or "weight-ly", should go back to the qualifying question for all motives:
* Does this glorify Christ?
* Is it FOR Christ?
* Is it ABOUT Christ?  
If the answer is no, how can I allow the Holy Spirit to bring it back around to the glory of the Lord and His name?

This week's goal? Memorize/meditate on a verse for the week.  Walk for 20 minutes each day (or some continuous effort).  Track each day. And, HOPEFULLY, lose ONE POUND!  The end result?  To cultivate the discipline Christ wants me to have in order to uphold the spiritual habits that will glorify Him!

There are weeks that make you ecstatic.  There are weeks that exhaust you.  There are weeks when we feel stretched and rather Gumby-like.  With God in our lives, we don't stretch to the point where the rope breaks, but we stretch enough that it can feel as if it frays at the edges.  We stretch and fray enough that a loving God can mend and weave it all back together.

At the end of this second week of habit changes, I realized that dieting had quickly taken the back burner.  My initial quick desire to overcome has faded to the plodding routine of the unexcited dieter.  Many things took the back burner this week as once again Mom and I were thrown into a holding pattern over a medical airfield, the runway just foggy enough to make the destination murky ...

Let's clarify.  I didn't realize how far from my mind making good food choices had been until I stepped on the scale this morning.  By God's grace alone, I didn't gain!  But I didn't lose, either.  Here's to a renewed energy for losing 30 before 30!

But the whole standing-in-front-of-the-mirror-in-the-underoos thing hit me full force when I took a good look at the body staring back at me.  Last year, no stretch marks.  This year, more stretch marks that I care to admit.  BUT - a mere 6 pound weight loss has brought about the retreat of one of those nasty blemishes!

And the thought of a stretch mark vanishing brought this verse to mind, bringing this week full circle: "Behold, I (God) have engraved you (Jerusalem) on the palms of my hands" (Is. 49:16).  If God feels this way about Israel (and Jerusalem specifically), a nation that has loved-and-run so often (as we all do!), how much more will God engrave ME upon the palms of His hands?  He DIED for me and loves me!  These marks on His hands (the scars of the nails AND the engraving of names) - are INDELIBLE.  Those are marks that WILL NEVER FADE!  This reminder - brought about by rude stretch marks - will stick with me as we venture forth into another week of unsure medical diagnoses and tedious tests.  No matter the outcome, I and Mom are written on God's palms!

Each morning I start a new food journal entry on my phone.  The button is labeled "new day".  Isn't that beautiful?  It's an occasion of serendipity by the app's publishers, I'm sure.  However, it's meaningful to me that each day I can awake and hit "new day" and be reminded that - it's REALLY a NEW day!  (Occasionally I break into song, like Jennifer Hudson in the Weight Watchers' commercial.  Be very glad you can't hear me!) ... It makes me think of sunburns.  The last time I had a sunburn, I was miserable and nauseated and regretting my time in the sun.  If a sunburn lasted forever, how awful would that be?  God, in His mercy, made skin to regenerate.  God, also in His mercy, made the sun to set and rise again.  Earth dynamics play a role; sure.  But truly - I think it has more to do with hope.  Awakening to a rising sun so that we realize: today is a new day and there is fresh hope!  There are different decisions to be made and grace to be grasped.  The same is true with weight loss!  There are different (eating/exercising) decisions to be made and grace (when I fail OR when I succeed) to be grasped.

So ... drumroll please ... WEEK ONE IS COMPLETE!  I considered obedience and discipline this week more than I have in quite a while.  And the Lord allowed me to identify emotional eating triggers.  That alone makes it successful week! Now add to that the drop of 6 pounds and I'm feeling mighty fine!  But again - tomorrow's a new day.  Let's be sure to rejoice in the LORD and allow HIM to direct this path!

P.S.  Ever try to find a 6 pound weight to photograph?  Yeah.  Not so easy.

Yesterday was a wonder.  Our yard was transformed - from a great green jungle into a clean marvel of landscaping organization.  Guys from the Church (and girls!) showed up to weedwhack, mow, hedge-trim, rake, and all around make themselves sore by means of physical labor.  I found myself tugging and tugging on a patch of weeds that had taken over the front planters.  The strange thing?  No matter how hard I tugged, the weeds would NOT loosen!  I'm paying for it today, since my arms appropriately feel as if I lost the tug-of-war.  First I started with a handful of weeds.  I wrapped them around my hand several times and puuuuuulled.  Then I lowered my expectations - perhaps I could pull a half-handful at a time.  I used the same method - to no avail!  Then, I changed my strategy yet again.  I attempted to pull merely one or two weeds at a time.  The result?  SUCCESS!  As I pulled and pulled, the truth hit me squarely between the eyes: When it comes to weight loss, I do exactly the same thing.  I try to tug out all of the weeds of bad habits at once.  I grab a handful of weeds.  Candy, carbs, no exercise, large portion sizes, depression, grief.  I pull and pulllll - and then give up.  Let the weeds grow; this is just too hard.  But letting the weeds grow doesn't make the Lord smile.  Imitating Christ makes God smile.  Loving Him above all else makes God smile.  This time, success will be gained by attacking one small weed at a time!  First comes asking myself: Does this choice (whatever it may be) glorify God?  Or myself?  Or am I filling a God-sized hole with a good-sized portion of whatever food I'm craving?

Weeds - prepare to be pulled!

The Beginning

I call this "the beginning" - because it is.  It's the start of making and achieving goals - rather than setting them aside at the soonest opportunity.  It's the beginning of feeling determined and MAKING myself accountable to whomever is willing to listen, instead of internally whining because I can't see a change in myself or the world around me.  It's the beginning of desiring to please God through my actions, rather than excusing myself by justifying: "He's the One who will always love me, even if I eat this ... I'll regret it tomorrow, but I don't care right now".  

Why weight loss?  God DOES love me always, so why pound this flesh into shape?  Why try?  Why bother?  Why work at it?

Top ten reasons:
- Because, while God looks at my heart (GOTTA LOVE HIM!), He also looks at my choices and their ability to replace Him with lesser things.

- Because He admires discipline, both spiritually and physically speaking.  If I don't regard Him enough to put effort into maintaining/regaining a healthy temple for Him to indwell, why do I deceive myself into thinking that I am putting in enough effort to maintain a healthy temple for Him to indwell INTERNALLY?  If I can't spend ten minutes walking, am I naive enough to think that I truly spend ten minutes praying?

- Because I want this temple of the Holy Spirit to be healthy enough to serve Him at a moment's notice.

- Because I am tired of being lethargic.

- Because I am tired of sleeping poorly.

- Because I am tired of EXCUSES.

- Because I am tired of HEARTBURN.

- Because I want to enjoy God's creation, rather than the fictional and depressing worldly world of television (i.e., get off my booty and move it)!

- Because I want my ideal of beauty (determined by what I look like) to develop into something that more closely mirrors God's own (I've been bought with the HIGHEST PRICE, therefore I will choose to glorify God in my body).

- Because however many years God gives me, I want to BREATHE to the best of my ability, thereby reminding myself to BREATHE in everything I can about God while I'm on this poor old earth.

This is the BEGINNING of TRANSFORMATION.